The question
I'm looking for a way to deal with a three-year-old when she hits or bites her six-month-old brother. I get angry with her and try to control that, but sometimes I hit her and I'm very bothered by this. How can I handle her without affecting her negatively?
Our answer
May Allah preserve you and bless you. This is jealousy, and it may reach the point of painful physical harm to her brother. So first, keep him safe and don't allow her to be alone with him, and be careful that she doesn't reach him in your absence. There are cases where the little one is genuinely harmed by the jealousy of a sibling. Then you must give her care: with embracing, with kind words, and by occupying her with toys and ideas. At three you can begin with her our preparatory curriculum and create for her interests and focus in another direction. Awaken in her the feeling of motherhood by providing her a toy she treats like a mother, and she will sense through it your role with her brother. Use the moments when she is welcoming and open with you to build her awareness — love for her brother, that harming him is wrong, and that Allah does not love wrongdoers. Keep at it until it settles in her soul that this brother is a beloved, not a rival nor an enemy. With time it will clear. Jealousy is treated with embracing and du'a. May Allah aid you and delight your eyes with your offspring.
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