Could you please share some information or books that help simplify how we talk about the Day of Judgment for children — especially the story of the People of the Ditch for 3, 4, and 5 year olds? Or how to explain the meaning of the verse "Master of the Day of Recompense"?

May Allah preserve you and bless you. I haven't come across a specific reference for this, but I believe you can do it yourself by building a simplified picture of the concepts: good and evil, truth and falsehood, the stories of the Prophets. Use our library on the channel for the prophet stories, and the tafsir cards there as well.

My son is two and a half. He has memorised Surat al-Ikhlas; sometimes he recites it in full, and sometimes I read a verse and he replies with the next. How should I work with him, and should I begin a different surah, or not?

Masha Allah, tabarak Allah. May Allah preserve him and make him a treasure for his parents, his religion, and his ummah. Yes, begin with another easy surah, and do not neglect to repeat the surah he has already memorised so that he does not forget it. Whenever he finishes reciting what he has memorised, give him an enthusiastic response and show your admiration and praise. Tie every good thing in his day to the Qur'an, especially in his earliest years. If you bring him a sweet, for example, tell him: "This is for the hero who memorises the Qur'an" — and so on. You can also play al-Hussary's teaching mushaf at home regularly and audibly, without forcing the little one to listen. You will find that he has memorised many surahs without any effort or coercion on your part. May Allah bless him for you and make him a delight for the eyes of his parents in both abodes.

Do we tell children that they are not yet held accountable, that the obligations of Islam don't fall on them yet? What about teens aged ten to puberty? And does the answer change when the topic is specifically the prayer? Some of them ask me: at what age does a person actually become accountable? I'm afraid that if I tell them, they will become slack with worship as long as they are not yet held accountable.

May Allah preserve you and bless you and your children, and make them a delight for your eyes in this life and the next. Of course you can tell them they are not held accountable before the age of obligation and puberty, and that the good deeds and acts of worship they do, Allah rewards them for and records for them, while their faults are not held against them. This is part of Allah's grace and love for us, and how He, the Exalted, wishes to admit us into Paradise. But they must get used to performing acts of obedience and leaving the forbidden, so that it becomes easy for them to obey Allah's commands once they are obligated. The Prophet ﷺ said: "Command your children to pray when they are seven, and discipline them for it when they are ten…" Although a ten year old is not yet obligated, the Prophet ﷺ directed us to this so that they would be diligent in performing the obligation in its most complete form once obligation begins. And Allah knows best.

How do I move on to a new surah with my daughter, given that her memorization works like this: I begin the first word, then she completes the next — this is with Surat al-Fatihah and Surat an-Nas. Or should she be able to recite it all on her own? Also, is her inability to stay in one place when I read her a story or memorize the Qur'an normal? And when can I send her to kindergarten? Do you advise it?

Dear sister, try a second stage where you read one verse and she completes the next, then you read one and she does two, and so on, until she's able to recite the full surah on her own. That is more lasting in memorization and recitation for her, and a beautiful achievement that brings joy to her heart. Show your happiness when she recites the verses so the feeling reaches her and she's encouraged more. As for kindergarten, we don't recommend it unless the environment is sound and good, with people whose religion and creed you know. It's better to begin with her through the preparatory curriculum stage by stage. Refer to the teacher's guide — it will help you with that.

I have two brothers, ten and twelve years old. We have been commanding them to pray since they were seven. Recently we found out that they go but sometimes don't enter the masjid, and sometimes they pray but don't make up the rak'ahs they missed, and when they pray at home they don't pray with deliberation but rush through. We have tried with them a great deal, encouraging at times and warning at others. My mother told them to pray at home so we could watch their prayer, because they had lied more than once. They used to be regular with Fajr, but now a month passes with them praying Fajr only two or three times. How do we handle them?

May Allah preserve you and bless you. I see the necessity of bringing the study of fiqh, sirah, and hadith into their lives, teaching them what the Salaf said about the one who abandons prayer, and magnifying the matter in their hearts. Tarbiyah is an integrated process: it is not enough to command a boy to pray. We must build in his heart an understanding and awareness of why he prays, so he loves prayer as worship and fears abandoning it, out of awe of the consequences and the ruling on the one who abandons prayer. So I see that you sit with them and make sure to teach them the essential measure of knowledge in these sciences. We will, by Allah's leave, soon provide a curriculum suited to their ages that will be useful to you. May Allah grant you success — and don't forget the du'a. May Allah set them right and keep them firm on uprightness.

Can I know a method for teaching the Qur'an to a child aged two years and three months?

Repetition, verse by verse. Begin with Surat al-Fatihah until she masters it, even if it takes time, then move on to the short surahs. Read to her, then with her, then let her read on her own, then read with her verse by verse. In addition, play the surah she's memorizing next to her most of the time — even while she's playing — using al-Hussary's teaching mushaf, for example. A child's voice repeating draws the child's attention and helps her master the memorization with the least effort.

My son is two and a half. I began the curriculum with him and, alhamdulillah, it has benefited him greatly. He has even memorized parts of the Qur'an. I play the repetition for him and it has helped tremendously — he has memorized in a very short time, alhamdulillah. But I deal with him gently and softly in everything. The problem is that my husband doesn't like my gentleness with him. For example, when my son breaks one of his toys, he starts grumbling and yelling at him and insulting him, and he criticizes me a lot when he doesn't see an angry reaction from me. We had a fight because I asked him to stop this. I'm confused about my husband and I fear for my son. I'm afraid he'll ruin my upbringing and effort with him. What's the solution?

At two and a half, it is truly unfortunate for him to be dealt with harshly and impatiently. He is still tender and fresh, and he is now learning from your styles of tarbiyah and replicating them in his character — which is formed in the first six years. My advice to you, and this is a problem you are not alone in facing, and one that continues through every stage of tarbiyah: prepare a sitting with your husband and gather to discuss how you raise your son. Let your reference be the Qur'an and the Sunnah, and the greatest school: the school of the Prophet ﷺ. Speak with a sense of responsibility and tell him that the child is a trust from Allah, the Exalted. Make your fears clear, and agree together on a tarbiyah policy that doesn't repeat the mistakes of our parents' upbringing, and doesn't leave the child to be raised by chance. Tarbiyah is a science. Constructive dialogue is very important in solving problems, especially since tarbiyah is a responsible process that continues all the time, requiring understanding and cooperation, not disagreement. How often does one parent build, only for the other to come and demolish all their effort without even meaning to. So address this point now, with constructive, respectful dialogue that raises the sense of responsibility and offers knowledge your husband can benefit from. Without any tone of condescension or wounding — only the speech of one who cares and carries the responsibility of raising a generation that worships Allah as those before us did. In the end, my counsel to you: do not give up, do not retreat. Continue raising your little one whatever the challenges, for success is from Allah, the Exalted, the Almighty. Try to soften the effects of any wrong behavior from his father in how you deal with it. Try to avoid the clash between the child and his father. You can let your little one play at some distance from his father, or work to lessen the moments of collision between them in one way or another. And beware of a feeling of resentment growing in the little one toward his father. Rather, let him learn over time to accept and accommodate his father, even if his father does not change or improve his treatment of him — for this is the dutifulness Allah has commanded children with. Ask your little one not to do this because his father gets angry, or to spare bothering Baba, and so on. He will learn to handle his father himself, and this will build in him a beautiful sense of responsibility, of a small man on the way. With du'a and striving, you will achieve blessed results, by Allah's leave. Seek Allah's help and do not despair. May Allah delight your eyes with your little one and make him an imam of the God-fearing.

I have a nine-year-old boy and a seven-and-a-half-year-old girl. They tire me greatly when it comes to the prayer. When they pray, they pray in jest and play. They rush through it and look around during the prayer. What do I do with them?

May Allah preserve you. They must be separated during prayer — meaning, make sure each one of them prays alone and seriously. Take each of them aside separately and explain to him that he is standing before Allah, the Majestic, so let him have adab in his prayer. Continue to follow up with them in this until they acquire seriousness and khushu'. And beware that they witness the opposite around them — that they see an adult laughing in prayer, or someone mocking those who pray. Do not laugh, and do not respond to them with anything positive at all when they do this. Rather, make them feel that you are sad and very displeased with their behaviour, and that this is not befitting the Muslim child. I advise you to hold sessions of reflection and contemplation, connecting the child to Allah, the Exalted. Use our materials in the stories of the Prophets, the Muslim's adab, and the creed cards. Build an atmosphere of seriousness around knowing Allah, the Exalted. Their hearts will settle on love of Him, fear of Him, and hope in Him, by Allah's leave. And du'a is your means.

I'm trying to teach my daughter Allah's attributes and names. I began with al-Sami' and al-Basir, and I told her that nothing is like Him. Kindergarten is mandatory and I want her to have a creedal foundation, by Allah's leave. Next week she'll be three years old, in shaa Allah. Could I get some advice or book recommendations? Also, I'm anxious about kindergarten and schools — I'm worried she'll be influenced. What's the solution?

May Allah bless you in your daughter and make her a delight for your eyes in both abodes. You can use the Mirath preparatory curriculum for ages three to five. In it you'll find books on creed, sirah, manners, and more — by Allah's grace, it is a complete curriculum. You can begin by having her memorize Juz' 'Amma. Along with the curriculum you'll find a guide on how to teach memorization at this age. As a general piece of advice, play al-Hussary's teaching mushaf with the surah you want her to memorize, and you'll be surprised at how quickly and beautifully she memorizes, by Allah's leave — even if you don't sit specifically for memorization. But you must first recite the surah with her to ensure proper pronunciation. You will find what you need in the curriculum, by Allah's leave. May Allah grant you success and open the way for you. As for kindergarten, if you can enroll her without actually sending her — while teaching her the Mirath curriculum at home — that is a great good. Otherwise, you can start teaching her now the creed, the adab, and so on, so that this serves as a protection for her, by Allah's leave, against what she'll see outside the home. Do not worry — by Allah's leave, things will be good. Entrust her to Allah, the Exalted, and He is the best of guardians.

Regarding reviewing what has been memorized — should I review with him every day? And when he needs a reminder of the beginnings of the verses, do I consider that he has memorized and move to the next surah? Because I feel he has grown bored of repeating only al-Fatihah, and I tell him: when you memorize this surah I'll bring you such-and-such — and months pass and we're still in our place.

The memorization process at this age moves through advance and review. That is: we begin with Surat an-Nas, repeating it until he masters it. On the second day, Surat al-Falaq. Then after he completes it, we review the two surahs together, and we don't move on until we have fixed them together. Then we move to Surat al-Ikhlas, and so on. When we finish al-Ikhlas, we go back to review the three surahs together. Progress steadily until you finish with him at Surat an-Naba'. From there, Allah will open the way for your little one, by His leave.

I have two children, one is two and a half and the other is four. The first one has memorized al-Fatihah and I need to remind him of the beginnings of the verses. The older one has al-Fatihah, al-Ikhlas, al-Falaq, and an-Nas — also with reminders of the beginnings of verses. Do you advise me to memorize one surah a week? I know it depends on the child's ability, but I can't determine these abilities. And is it necessary that the Qur'an time be fixed during the day? I have a nursing baby and it isn't easy right now. Before sleep we usually read a story from the sirah of the Prophet ﷺ. I tried having them recite before sleep, but it rarely works — they're tired at the end of the day and not in the mood to recite.

My advice to you: put the older one — the four-year-old — to work helping memorize with his younger brother. You'll find in this a building of a leadership personality, and you'll save yourself the time of teaching the two of them together. This will encourage him to progress in his own memorization. A four-year-old should be memorizing more than this. Try to recite with him first thing in the morning. The number of verses doesn't matter, but he should repeat and repeat with you, and repeat on his own. Set memorization milestones for him: tell him, if you finish this surah you have a gift; if we reach half the juz' you have a gift; if you complete the juz', a substantial gift, and so on, so he understands the value of what he's working on. Memorization is best done at the beginning of the day, not the end of it. If it must be later, then in the afternoon. As for the stories, choose the time that works for you with them present, away from the times of drowsiness and hunger. It could be midday before the nap. Try to apply the preparatory level curriculum we've published for ages three to five — it's varied, includes activities and skill-building, so he doesn't grow bored. And hold to two principles: what cannot all be reached should not all be left, and a little done consistently is better than much done sporadically. Don't forget the du'a. May Allah aid you and delight your eyes with your offspring and make them imams of the God-fearing.

How do I get my daughter attached to her room and her toys, so she has time of her own apart from me?

At two years old, if you have toys you trust her to play with, there's no harm in leaving her to play with them for a limited time — but with you checking in on her now and then. Don't assume full safety. You need to keep an eye on what she's doing.

How should listening to the Holy Qur'an be — in order, or randomly?

Order is very important with the Qur'an. Begin from the last surah of Juz' 'Amma. Repeat verse by verse until you ensure it's fixed, then move to the next surah. Work in ascending order, from the last surah (Surat an-Nas) all the way to Surat an-Naba'. Let this be the first of your goals in Qur'an memorization. If your child completes the memorization of Juz' 'Amma — and most of them complete it around the age of four — this is a great achievement. Then continue with the following juz' in the same way.

How do I deal with my four-year-old son, who goes to kindergarten and constantly torments his sister (she's two)? He might keep this up all day in different ways. He frightens her a lot — not a toy or a story is left in the house that he hasn't used to scare her, until she cries. Yet at home we don't treat him this way. But for a while now he hasn't left his sister alone. I've spoken to him a lot. I've punished him by withholding things he likes. But he doesn't stop. Your counsel, may Allah bless you.

May Allah make him grow as good growth and delight your eyes with his uprightness. Mind the behaviours that come from jealousy in him: occupy him with activities suited to him, and let him share them with his sister. Discuss the matter with him in a way that suits his nature. Make sure that at the kindergarten your son isn't being subjected to this himself, which would make him angry and then copy the same behaviour with your daughter because she stirs his jealousy. The feeling of jealousy is natural. What's more important is that you correct it: ask him calmly, why do you do this with your sister? After his answer, show him that this is not praiseworthy behaviour but blameworthy. Make him feel a sense of responsibility toward his sister. Contribute to creating happy moments that bring them together, which increases the affection between them and gradually removes the feeling of jealousy. Overlook his repetition of the behaviour and turn to some task that makes him feel you don't care. Don't compare him to her often, or make him feel she is better than him — this feeds his jealousy and leaves him with resentment of his sister. May Allah bless you in both of them.

My son is about four years old, and he repeatedly uses foul words (some of which he doesn't even know the meaning of). He uses them with young and old alike. I tried threatening and hitting and punishment (like bringing chili pepper) and his behaviour did not improve. I want your advice, may Allah reward you with good. What steps do I take when I hear the word (what do I say, and how do I act immediately)? What are alternatives to punishment to correct the behaviour?

May Allah preserve you. I do not advise punishment but dialogue. Show him that you are sad at his unfitting words, and repeat in his hearing: this doesn't befit a hero. Reward him when he holds to that. Keep him away from the environment where it spreads. Enroll him in a Qur'an school. May Allah delight your eyes with him as an imam of the God-fearing.

I'm a mother of a girl and a boy, alhamdulillah. My daughter is three and my son was just born — he's three days old. Throughout my pregnancy I shared every detail and preparation with her, and I prepared her so she would accept the situation. But I was surprised by her behaviour when I returned home. She refused to see him or touch him, and runs away when she hears his voice or when I nurse him. How do I handle her? Is this normal behaviour?

Don't worry — may Allah ennoble you. Always, to be content, lower your ceiling of expectations of others, beginning with our children. They need from us the least possible expectation — or sometimes the worst — so that we can understand their reactions. The little one is in a difficult place: she is sharing with a brother who will draw others' attention to him and away from her, so she feels jealousy. What may help her: tell her a story about a brother, but in a way that doesn't make her feel it's about her. Like the story of a duckling and its sister, or a rabbit, and so on. Also, share time with her at different moments to accomplish something specific: cooking, a paper activity, playing in a different way. And it should be exclusive, without the baby in your arms. Pat her gently and say: I know how you feel, and I feel for you. It is a hard feeling that you share your brother with the times you used to have. But one day he will be a help to you, and you will be glad to play with him when he's older, and to teach him what's beneficial. And don't forget to vary the tarbawi approaches you take on this matter. May Allah aid you — this increases our patience and our attachment to Allah. I advise you to read the Toddler's Guide for age two; in it are different steps for jealousy that will help you, by Allah's leave. There are also books by an author named Abdullah Muhammad Abdul-Mu'ti on jealousy between siblings. You'll find him in the Jeel library — perhaps he will benefit you in this matter. May Allah grant you success and delight your eyes with them.

My son is four and a half. Masha Allah, he is bright and distinguished for his age. Alhamdulillah, Allah has destined for us to live abroad, and by Allah's grace we have known how to take advantage of his lack of distraction from any pastimes — in our home country and here as well. The problem lies in our near isolation from the world: he doesn't mix with other children, and I can't provide him with opportunities for that, and he doesn't have siblings yet. A while ago a new shift appeared in his personality, and I don't know how to deal with it. He deliberately does what he shouldn't, just to provoke. He claims fatigue or weakness when it's time to memorize or study, in an exaggerated way. I try as much as possible to put him in online classes or anything that occupies him suitable to his age and abilities. But I feel the weight of all of this on him. What do I do? Help me — I'm about to lose my temper.

May Allah bless him for you and aid you in raising him a righteous upbringing. The most important thing you both need is an environment of interaction with others. Try to find a righteous family through whom you can connect him with them, so he can learn more — for intelligence alone is not enough without developed skills and a personality that adapts to others. And in this you'll also find an opportunity for both you and him to be relieved a bit — that's a good, by Allah's leave. Keep up the stories with him, and direct him to some role model. Plant in him love for that role model and the desire to follow him. Also be careful to give him during the story another side — not the role model — and explain how that could affect his behaviours, his life, and his interactions. Increase your recitation of the Qur'an at times of weariness, or when you're angered by the repetition of his behaviour, so it is a vent and provision for this blessed work of yours. Also, overlook those movements of his as if he hadn't done them. Then after a rest, return and ask him to complete. Make for him activities and games you share with him, so he feels your closeness. And before all of this, seek help from Allah and rely upon Him, for He is the One who aids and sets right.

I'm looking for a way to deal with a three-year-old when she hits or bites her six-month-old brother. I get angry with her and try to control that, but sometimes I hit her and I'm very bothered by this. How can I handle her without affecting her negatively?

May Allah preserve you and bless you. This is jealousy, and it may reach the point of painful physical harm to her brother. So first, keep him safe and don't allow her to be alone with him, and be careful that she doesn't reach him in your absence. There are cases where the little one is genuinely harmed by the jealousy of a sibling. Then you must give her care: with embracing, with kind words, and by occupying her with toys and ideas. At three you can begin with her our preparatory curriculum and create for her interests and focus in another direction. Awaken in her the feeling of motherhood by providing her a toy she treats like a mother, and she will sense through it your role with her brother. Use the moments when she is welcoming and open with you to build her awareness — love for her brother, that harming him is wrong, and that Allah does not love wrongdoers. Keep at it until it settles in her soul that this brother is a beloved, not a rival nor an enemy. With time it will clear. Jealousy is treated with embracing and du'a. May Allah aid you and delight your eyes with your offspring.

If a child takes something from a place or person without their knowledge or any permission, is this called stealing? If the thing isn't returned to its owners, this is a mistake and the act may repeat. If the thing is returned with an apology, this act will remain stuck in memory until they grow up, and they may be taunted for it as a thief and untrustworthy, and so on — even if they stopped doing it. So what is the correct tarbawi solution, and how do we handle the child and the thing he took? May Allah reward you with good in both abodes.

This act is considered stealing for us who are obligated. But children don't realize that until we show them and teach them that it is stealing, and instruct them, and make clear to them its forbiddenness and its effects on society and the individual. In a case like this, you can teach your child — even though he isn't yet obligated — that it is stealing, that Allah does not love it, and that Allah will hold him accountable. Make clear to him the feelings of the owner who loses something because of his stealing it. Ask him: if you were in his place, how would your feeling be when something you love is stolen from you? When he takes something without permission, or when he likes someone else's belongings and steals them, you must return it the first time without telling people, so as to lessen on yourself and on him the mention of that in front of them. But beware of covering up your son's act and deceiving him, and not telling him of the great burden of this act. Don't plant in him that people's talk, your feelings, or your position before them is more important than the pleasure of Allah and His seeing those actions. Planting the fear of Allah in him will keep him from every evil. The child, through the example of others and becoming used to the forbidden, may begin to love the act and repeat it. So continue to disapprove of it and don't accept his act. Be assured that most children resort to stealing out of ignorance of it — ignorance of what someone else's property means, and what is permitted to take and what is not. The desire to possess sometimes leads him to take without looking at the consequences. So be firm with your child, taking his age into account. Ask him to return it with his own hand if the matter repeats — the shame of the act may push him to not repeat it — but without embarrassing him at first in front of everyone. If he has kept on with the act and repeated it and your urging doesn't make him stop, oblige him to make amends in this way.

My problem is that I hit my children severely while they are at a young age, then afterward I cry and grieve over them. Now my eldest daughter is eight, and her character is weak and she has no self-confidence. What do I do, may Allah bless you? I pledge to Allah and to myself to stop, and I agree with them, then I go back and hit them — and sometimes I hit them severely. It's said of me that I am calm, but when I get angry I lose control of myself. I also sometimes face pressures and trials, and my mental state becomes tired, and I hit the children when they make mistakes.

Here are these steps, perhaps they will help you. First, seek help from Allah and be certain that Allah is the aid of one who sincerely seeks His help. Make a special time between you and your daughter: reading a story, doing her hair, buying clothes for her, making a toy with her, coloring, making a dish in the kitchen, or any handcraft from Jeel's activities on the channel. Let it be little and consistent: every two days, then once a week, and so on. Commit yourself to reading a story with her and her siblings. When you feel anger, take time to rest alone in the room — don't fear for your children at that moment. When you feel pressured with tasks you haven't completed, think about the most important thing to accomplish, arrange your priorities, and proceed with accomplishing it. Remind yourself not to fall into Shaytan's snare and wrong your children due to the accumulation of pressures. Also, don't forget your Qur'an portion and the prayer in its time. As for your daughter, give her responsibilities in the house, praise her accomplishments, give her an activity with her peers, praise her positives, and embrace her before sleep or after helping you and working with you. These are scattered pieces of advice — perhaps they will benefit you and ease your burden.

I have three children: a boy of five, a girl of four, and a boy of one and a half. When the older ones quarrel, each of them asks me to take retribution from the other for him — and I don't know how to act then. The eldest of them is also shy and not bold, closer to girls' qualities — which led his father to take him for boxing exercises to gain courage. The girl is reactive and hits him a lot, and this led to the father being angry with him for allowing her to do so. Is this what should be done?

May Allah preserve you and bless you and your offspring. Your children at this age should embark on a study program that occupies them away from quarreling. So try to lay out a schedule to teach them what benefits them, and with your presence the clashing will lessen. The more you are able to occupy their thinking with the material you're teaching them, the more it will create maturity in them and help you manage situations. Quarreling between children is the most difficult thing a mother faces. It is something that recurs in tarbiyah and there's no escaping it, but we can control and lessen it — and that is by intimidation and encouragement. If a quarrel happens, don't always try to intervene to solve it. Tell them they are deprived of something they like as long as their means is quarreling. You estimate the deprivation that deters them from quarreling. If they handle things well, reward them. Try to investigate the cause of the ongoing quarreling: is it jealousy? A problem of shared items to be divided? Or is there a domineering one between them? Based on this problem, you can lessen the causes of friction. But I don't advise you to bow to their dictates or what they want from you. Be firm. Treat them at the moment of disagreement with firmness, without joking or showing weakness. Tell them you are not pleased with their bad behaviour. As for the boy, I don't advise boxing for you. I think you should switch him to another sport. Strength is in the heart, not in the hand. Strengthen your little one's heart with beneficial stories and by building his creedal and moral knowledge. From here the effect on his personality begins — by infusing him with the love of courage, generosity, trustworthiness, and truthfulness through role models and beneficial stories. You can benefit from our preparatory level curriculum and teach the two of them together. They'll be occupied with playing together and reviewing together. Lay out a daily schedule for that, and reward them if they handle it well. Tell them: whenever you handle things well I'll be proud of you and even happier with you. The matter of hitting — this is not right. To incite hitting for revenge harms him. The daughter is the one you must speak with and explain that her behaviour is wrong. Ask her if she would accept being hit the same way. Instead of making your son fierce, try to calm your daughter and make her less violent or aggressive toward her brother. This balance will restore your son's strength — not by inflaming feelings of revenge against his sister, which will only sharpen and may overcome him and leave him broken for a long time. Make the little one know the limits of interaction by experiencing what she does, so she realizes that what she does is harmful and bad — through explanation, drawing comparisons, and simple detail for her mind. Remember, your little ones are still in the stage of teaching, and personality is completed by age six, with the third advancing. If you manage tarbiyah well in this stage, your task in the coming stages will be easier. If all previous solutions become impossible, separate them from one another in sitting, play, and study, and observe matters in this way. May Allah grant you success, open the way for you, and delight your eyes with your offspring.

My son is ten. I discovered that he took an amount from his older brother's drawer and spent part of it before I found out, and part is still with him. How do I act in this case?

Stealing is something many children go through and try, but that doesn't mean they fully understand what they're doing or adopt it as an ongoing behaviour. So I think you should sit with him and explain matters to him, and pose a question: if the same thing happened to you, how would you act? If you had a sum of money and your brother came and took it, how would your feeling be? Teach him to ask for his needs openly without the need for sneaking and stealing. Truthfulness is the means of dealing between you. As his mother, it will not please you that he behave like a thief. We are one family and we must preserve the beauty of the relationship between us. And so on — arrange the ideas for him in sequence and logic so he understands exactly where the problem is and behaves better. Remind him that Allah, the Exalted, sees him even when you and his siblings don't, and that Allah exposed him to you so you could advise him and he doesn't steal. Mention to him how Allah warned against theft in the Qur'an. May Allah grant you success in raising and caring for him well.

My child is two and his cousins (his uncle's children) — one is two months older than him, and the other is one year and four months. On the topic of sharing toys, what I know is that their not sharing toys at this age is natural, and they shouldn't be forced — they should be taught sharing gradually. But sometimes they attack each other for no reason. When my child sees his younger cousin, he doesn't share toys with him, yet he treats him as small and with affection — and suddenly he behaves badly with him. With the older one it's a bit different. When he sees him, his screaming increases. What is the correct behaviour in these situations, since we don't leave them alone for a second so this attack doesn't happen between them? And until now they don't play with one another either.

May Allah preserve you and bless you. I think you need to stay near them and suggest games where the enjoyment is in sharing. That is, don't give them toys and leave them like that. Rather let someone share play with them and get them used to coexistence and respect. Also, by suggesting educational ideas that are entertaining and tarbawi at the same time. You can benefit from the play guide and the skill-building books in our curriculum on the channel, for the preparatory level. This matter requires patience, forbearance, and calm follow-up — without anxiety or magnifying it, because boys usually fight as well. This happens very naturally. May Allah delight your eyes with them.

I'd like to raise a concern that troubles me: my children, after they were calm and well-mannered, have now changed — to not respecting one another, to bickering, to not appreciating their parents, and to slackness in prayer and Qur'an memorization. What is the way to correct their behaviour? I want practical steps — their ages range from twelve to six. What is the reason that pushed them to this sad transition?

What you're going through is natural — it is the child's state in transitioning from the stage of submission to the parents to submission to Allah. You, sister, must teach them the details of their religion through the commands of Allah and His Messenger. For example, teach them that the command and address is from Allah — so your dutifulness to your parents is what Allah wants. Teach them the verses on dutifulness and their tafsir in detailed explanation. Involve them in tarbawi circles or centers that teach them how to understand Allah's verses and direct them to Allah's ruling in different situations. Example: Allah said "tooth for tooth" in the case of transgression, and also "whoever forgives and reconciles, he is foremost in good deeds"; and the moderate is the one who takes revenge with justice; and the wrongdoer of himself is the one who transgresses beyond his brother's transgression. Teach them that Allah sees and hears and is All-Knowing of you, and that there is a recording angel registering your deeds and actions and what is in your hearts. Teach them Surat Yusuf and what was done with the brothers. Teach them the manners of the believer from Surat al-Hujurat and Luqman. Teach them that the One who created you is the One who commands you, so you obey. Teach them to believe in Allah and come to know Him. Teach them that Allah willed faith in the Last Day so they remember that their deeds will be reckoned. Remind them of the bridge — that is, the Day of Reckoning before entering Paradise for the believers — and how degrees of Paradise will be lost by the one who wronged his brother. And know, sister, that the home is not free of problems, but let these problems be opportunities for him to learn his manners with others and to learn faith and intimacy with Allah — if you direct them to that and alert them in every situation. Don't forget du'a and seeking help from Allah, for the guidance of children is a grace from Allah.

How can I help my son rid himself of the insulting words he has picked up from his environment? At first I would ignore it so he would forget, but unfortunately these words keep being repeated in his hearing, and his awareness is still too limited to grasp right and wrong. So I began telling him: Allah sees you, this is haram, you are a beautiful Muslim who speaks beautiful words. I'd ask him to make istighfar — and he does, and says he won't repeat them. But he repeats them whenever someone angers him, and I repeat the same words every time. Is this right, or should I take a different approach so he understands?

The real question is: why does he continue in an environment where this is common? Can you not pull him out of such a setting? In this case, all you have left is to build his self-respect. Strengthen the feeling of nobility-through-faith in him, so that he is not like everyone else who curses and swears, and let him be distinguished as a hero, a Muslim child who loves his Lord and fears Him. Explain to him the harm in it: would he like for someone to treat him this way, or to treat his mother or those he loves? Gradually, build in him an awareness that runs counter to this environment. And Allah is the one whose help is sought. May Allah grant you success.

My son is sixteen. He is very slow in his tasks (wudu, putting on a thobe, going to the restroom). He takes a long time and this disturbs me greatly. But if his friend is waiting or something else trivial, he speeds up unusually to catch up with them.

May Allah preserve you. This is a trait that, if not handled wisely, will continue with him even into old age — unfortunately. So it is better to look for the keys to this soul's heart. Try sitting with him and holding a mature conversation. Treat him as a man, not a child — at this age he loves to feel attended to. When you open a discussion, don't immediately bring up what bothers you. No. Begin by opening the space for him to speak about his dreams, what he wishes for, telling him you would love to hear from him, so that we may care about what makes him happy and fulfills his passions. Every person has a key, every one has an ambition. We help him grow into it and guide him in how to engage with it. From here begins his own leadership over himself, so he sets himself right by himself. Let us look for his passion and kindle it, to forge a man — without demolishing, wounding, or shaming. He surely carries good in him; let us help him bring it out. May Allah grant you success in directing and guiding him, and support you with His help and with the believers.

You said in a post on how to make your daughter a righteous wife: if she has older brothers, she must show respect to them. Is there a difference between respect for older sisters and older brothers? If a girl has an older sister and an older brother, does the respect owed the older sister differ from that owed the older brother? And what about the girl's serving her brother at home? (Get me food, wash my clothes, iron my shirt, organize my closet, etc.) How should this be without going to extremes? What is the moderation in this? Is what we were raised on — where the girl serves her brother at home and does everything — the right way, or should the boy also serve himself? I have two girls and two boys, and I have no brother, and my husband has no sister, so we have no idea about this. And what counts as wronging the girls? I was a feminist before, but by Allah's grace and following some du'at, the mistake of what I was on became clear to me. Now I don't know how the brother-sister relationship should be.

May Allah preserve you and bless you. Respect for elders is required in general, but the matter is somewhat different in the case of a brother versus a sister. In the absence of the father, the brother takes on the role of qawwam and guardian, so the girl must comply with what he says according to what is good, not go out except with his permission, not pursue something he has refused, and so on. Of course there are limits. The brother remains different in standing from the father and the husband; his rights are less than theirs upon the girl. But training in respect, appreciation, and obedience is important for the girl's married life later. At this point, the parents must be alert to the behaviour of male children toward their sisters, so that this does not turn into domination and tyranny in matters where they have no right. Otherwise the girl falls between two options: being wronged, or rebelling — and neither trait should we settle into her: contentment with injustice, or the habituation of rebellion. As for the second matter, this requires balance and the protection of rights from the start. The son who lords over his sister by imposing his service upon her with arrogance is not to be indulged. He should be made to understand that his needs are things he can attend to himself, and what is hard for him or requires help, he asks for with politeness, taqwa, and ihsan. This is his first lesson in good companionship, since one day he will be a husband and a qawwam. Let him learn to understand the styles of address, which are the keys to hearts. Often the sisters help the mother in all her tasks, including those that fall within the brothers' sphere — but there remains a private space that is better left to the son, because that builds self-reliance in him, and this is among the ways of forming men. I advise you: gather your children upon dutifulness and love among themselves. As you urge your daughter to help her brother, urge her brother to carry something for his sister. In this way you build affection, mercy, intimacy, and complementarity, and rid yourselves of the estrangement that forms in families today. Try to sit with them in gatherings that build love, mutual support, and the strength of "the strength of family ties." Another note: get your son used to doing men's work — buying from the market, fixing something, tending the garden, lifting heavy things, washing the car, and so on. Let him handle these tasks; don't send your daughter to do them. Assign him duties that lessen the burden on the girls, so they feel their brother has a role in the home. If the daughter is washing the dishes, her brother is bringing what's needed from the market or taking out the trash, may Allah ennoble you. Each one to his post. There is also a space for age: a son ten and above should learn to tidy his room himself and look after his own private matters, except for cleaning tasks that need help — like wiping the floor or washing clothes, which are usually collective, so there is no harm in his sisters helping. As for the younger one, it is better that he receive help and be directed to another task suited to his age, by which the family members complement one another. May Allah preserve you all, delight your eyes with your offspring, and raise your station in this world and the next.

I am a mother of two tiring children, and we live in a multi-family home. I hear words from those around us about how my children are mischievous. I suffer from severe anger to the point that I hit them hard. I have tried many times to leave this and not succeeded. I hold myself back for a day or two, then I return to it, and I regret hitting them and cry. What is your counsel for me?

Severe hitting is harmful in raising children and does not lead to the solution of any problem. On the contrary, things get worse: the child either rebels and becomes harsh and aggressive, or becomes weak and broken, exposed to harm without pushing it away. The mother is love, gentleness, firmness, and safety. With hitting, the child loses safety and mercy. As for mischief from children, do not pay attention to what others say to you. Children by their nature play and run. When you hear from family words that make you feel insulted, try to avoid the feeling of anger by suppressing it. Know that for a child to listen to your words, your relationship with him needs to be good. Learn ways to deal with your children and improve your relationship with them, and do not make them vulnerable to psychological problems. When you feel anger, keep away from your children — close yourself in your room and make wudu until your soul calms and finds tranquility, or drink water and seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytan. Practice this in times of ease (without severe anger). We have a Toddler Guide — use it and read in it. Share with your children play and activities so the relationship with them is strengthened. You may need a week or two for them to become attuned to you. Don't forget the du'a, seeking help from Allah, and your daily Qur'an portion. Know that they are a trust with you, so bind yourself to keeping the trust as Allah loves. https://t.me/maktabatjeel A book has recently been added to the library — make use of it.

I have twins, one year and three months old, and my attention is divided between them. I face many problems, among them: the temper of one of them, his constant screaming and intense crying, and his frequent outbursts of anger against his brother, who can't defend himself. My main problem is the behaviour of the first twin, his anger, whining, and indescribable crying — an indescribable sharpness. Also, since they are twins and I'm pregnant and will give birth soon, someone else will care for them in this period. I'm afraid for them, afraid of separating from them in this two-year stage — but there's no escaping it. How do I deal with them and reduce these problems?

May Allah preserve you and bless you. First, you must get the Toddler Guide for the two-year-old — it covers this age stage. You'll find it on the Jeel channel here: https://t.me/jeelaseyada/585 I advise you to take the whole curriculum — it has educational cards and tarbawi ideas it's important for you to look into. Download the entire curriculum from the channel: https://t.me/jeelaseyada/678 A child usually cries for a reason: hunger, discomfort or a need for cleanliness, a feeling of loneliness and dissatisfaction, or pain and illness. You must distinguish between the cases. Sometimes a calm response is all that's needed: carry him and calm him a little, then put him somewhere where he can see you so he doesn't feel separation and desolation, and provide helpful toys to keep him company. Do not get him used to being carried all the time. This is a mistake. Make carrying a means of calming him and for need only. The rest of the time, put him in his chair or his designated space. The matter of taking toys: you must train yourself for this, especially since boys have play styles that can be rough and confrontational. So you must teach your son gradually how to play, and how to share. There's no harm in giving him a toy like his brother's. He doesn't need to feel he must take his brother's toy. Especially since they are twins, it's better to provide them with the same toys. When he takes from his brother — since he wants it — put another toy in his brother's hand. He is still too young to understand the principle of rights, but follow up with the Toddler Guide; you'll find directions that help you handle this case as they grow. Don't try to please the twins and chase their crying feelings. Rather, impose an atmosphere of harmony on them. Offer them a new, different toy, for example. Shift their focus from a toy by another action: by leaving the room, going on a small tour to another space, discovering something else. The presence of another pregnancy requires you to learn more of the methods and means of tarbiyah, so please start with the Guide, and message us with any difficulties you face. May Allah delight your eyes with righteous, blessed offspring.

My son is two years and nine months. When I visit a friend and her daughter is there, the same age as my son, he is very happy and plays with her toys, but the girl takes everything from him and pushes him and doesn't allow him to touch anything. The problem is that my son shows no anger at her behaviour, doesn't come to me to complain about the other children, and stays away from her. Sometimes he is afraid of her because she is aggressive. Is his reaction normal? My second question: how do I act in front of my son so he learns the appropriate response? Honestly I am very bothered and embarrassed to say anything, because I am in someone's home with their toys. I say I will never repeat the visit. Please advise me what to say in front of my son so he learns from me how to defend himself.

May Allah preserve you and bless you. Take it easy on yourself. Your son is small, and as the Prophet ﷺ said: "The child is a cause of miserliness and cowardice" — and in another narration with the addition "and grief." So don't look at the matter with these feelings. Let your little one learn from his surroundings how to respond in his own way, and don't push him to a behaviour that may seem sound to you but harms him and harms those around him. How long does this visit take? Per day? Per week? Per month? Don't make it an obstacle. Rather follow your little one and watch how he behaves, without injustice or aggression. There is no harm in him playing with others — this is generosity of soul on his part. Make it up to him with a tarbawi program that builds his concepts and teaches him how to understand life. Take it easy on yourself and focus on the Mirath preparatory curriculum. You can begin with him and focus on the educational and tarbawi value, and with du'a and care, enjoy the pleasure of teaching him as he grows before your eyes and learns from you. May Allah grant you success and open the way for you and delight your eyes with him as an imam of the God-fearing, a hero.

My sons are six and five years old. They are shy, not sociable, and they always tend to play with girls more than with boys. The older one is afraid and unable to defend himself even if a younger girl hits him, or another boy as well. He is very temperamental, and this is a result of how I treated him with harshness and anger because I was going through psychological pressure and tension. How do I treat this in him? I hope Allah uses you to help me find the answer. I want to raise them in a balanced, sound way — to be strong in Allah and not fear, for the sake of Allah, the blame of any blamer. I teach them moral stories and Allah's beautiful names in a simplified way, and surahs and simplified meanings — but they don't like it, and they sit grumbling and angry until the teacher's lesson ends, or my explanation ends. So I say if I pressure them they'll come to hate learning this way. I'm confused — what do I do?

May Allah preserve you and bless you. Here we're dealing with addressing the repercussions of angry, reactive tarbiyah. The best thing I advise you with: begin with them memorizing the Holy Qur'an — even if little done consistently is better than much done sporadically — and ideally the memorization should be with a man. Then choose a sport that is available to you and enroll them to practice a physical sport they keep up with. In this way you fortify the heart and raise the body upon strength. At the same time, focus on stories of role models and tales of heroism and courage. Keep them away from playing with girls, and try to make it up to them with games suited to boys, especially educational ones containing the idea of building, making, and defense. Pay attention to the speech you direct toward them — a speech that befits little men: giving them confidence and reinforcing the spirit of responsibility in them. Let their interaction with men be more, through the men in the family, and direct tasks to the men, like buying and carrying suitable things for them. With du'a, patience, and reliance on Allah, you will see, by Allah's leave, the fruits of your efforts in raising them. May Allah delight your eyes with them as imams of the God-fearing.

My child is one year and ten months. May Allah help me — I discovered that I have wronged him greatly in his upbringing. From a young age, I would yell at him for his behaviour, scream at him, and hit him, out of ignorance from me and the many pressures, and I am temperamental — may Allah help me. I see the child has gotten out of control and I don't know how to deal with him. He is very angry and stubborn. If he wants something and you don't give it to him, he starts screaming and crying. If you carry him to calm him down, he hits you, pulls my hair, and throws himself on the floor. He also tires me during sleep. This state he has reached is because of my way of dealing with him. I want guidance for how to deal with him, may Allah reward you with good.

May Allah preserve you and bless you. The time has come for you to stop your angry, raging way of interacting with your little one. Don't ruin his upbringing with reactive engagement that does not build the child's character but tears it down. Begin by stopping the anger and hitting, and respond with patience and calm to your son's behaviour. Do not meet his screaming with screaming, nor his violence with violence — rather with embracing and calm. Your son has now absorbed your styles of interaction; he is a copy of you when he gets reactive and imitates you in his way. So coming out of this wrong direction will not happen without you correcting your own way of dealing with him. My advice to you: begin a tarbawi program for your little one in which he spends his energy and attention. Provide him with educational materials and games suited to his age. Begin by downloading the educational cards we've published with the two-year-old curriculum. Begin teaching him repetition and reading. Even if he doesn't speak yet, no problem — he memorizes the image and the name and remembers it. You can pose interactive questions to him: what is this? Is this such-and-such? Get your child used to a daily routine. For example, begin your day by feeding him and saying the adhkar with him, cleaning him, and teaching him what he is eating, what its name is, and the names of things around us. Make your speech to him instructive and engaged with him, for part of his temper may be his feeling that you are pregnant — and this is a kind of jealousy that comes out as temper. Your attention to him will lessen it, by Allah's leave. It's better that the child's father take his place in the process of correcting your little one's behaviour. For example, he sits with him and speaks to him as if he were a little man — calmly, with respect, and with praise for his good behaviour. It's nice if he tells him stories in a way he understands that carry tarbawi meanings, like courage, calm, patience, and noble character. When he falls into bad behaviour, let us tell him calmly: no, this is wrong, and we explain to him calmly, without screaming or agitation. This, with persistence, will make him feel a difference and learn better. Occupy your little one with what benefits him: coloring on coloring books, ideas for tarbawi games with him. Learn from him what he likes and dislikes so you can guide him as best you can. You can get your little one used to self-reliance. For example, designate a quarter hour a day for him to play alone with his own toys. At his age, there's no need to carry him. Treat him as a little man by asking his help in easy matters: give me the pillow, come let's put these things in their place, let's prepare a surprise for Baba. Try to let your little one experience the meanings of life through your interactions with him that raise him and teach him indirectly. Watch his diet, what he sees, and who influences him. Make ruqyah for him every day and ask Allah to make him blessed and an imam of the God-fearing. Read the educational and tarbawi guide for mothers, or follow the Mothers of Jeel al-Khilafah channel for more benefit. May Allah grant you success and open the way for you and delight your eyes.

My daughter is nine and my son is four. Since she was about three I have been very angry with her and hit her often when she made mistakes (due to certain circumstances I went through — though that doesn't justify what I did, may Allah forgive me). This severe state continued until she reached nine. Now, about two years ago, Allah guided me and I became aware of the consequences of this kind of tarbiyah and I control myself a great deal, by Allah's grace, with mistakes still happening — but they've decreased, alhamdulillah. My problem is that my children have become very temperamental and my relationship with my daughter is very strained. How do I improve my relationship with my daughter alongside the pressures of life?

May Allah preserve you and bless you. The angry, fiery, quick-to-react child — all of this can be corrected and reformed to calm and forbearance, as the noble hadith of the Prophet ﷺ teaches. It begins with our dealing with him in that language: the language of calm, without reactivity or anger. He will automatically transform into a calm model. There is no need to scream at him when he errs. Let us speak to him in mature language and explain to him how to fix his mistake without being subjected to harsh treatment or hearing the voice of displeasure. I have seen models that transformed from the peak of anger and temper into calm, dignified, very beautiful personalities — all by patience with them and instilling the trait of forbearance calmly. So my advice to you: begin by speaking with them in every moment of anger or temper, that this harms them and doesn't benefit them, and that they must be calm to solve any problem they face. They will listen — be sure they will learn to discover the depths of themselves and control their feelings. Now, before the process becomes hard on you, and to help you in that, set out for them a beneficial program of useful play and entertainment that builds their abilities. Teach them cooking, girls' skills, and adornment. Make for them their own corner, and set them a beautiful time for friendly competition. It's lovely to hold a cooking contest between them, present them a simple recipe, and praise them and their dishes. Occupy them with beautiful competition in developing their skills and discharging their energies in positive work. The preparatory curriculum has a set of references for skill-building and recipes for cooking suited to their age. Try them and enjoy with them. Build with them the most beautiful childhood memories. These days will pass and the beautiful memory will push back the sad and bad ones, and only what benefits them will remain, by Allah's leave. As for you, seek help from Allah and from the Magnificent Qur'an. Make it your companion whenever you feel exhausted in this journey. It is the cure for your heart, with which you mend yourself. With du'a, patience, and reliance, things move along, gently and blessed. May Allah delight your eyes with them.

My daughter is in first grade and so far hasn't been able to form a relationship with her classmates. Her cousin is with her in a different class, and now if the cousin is absent she cries and complains about school. How do I help her form a relationship with her classmates?

Social intelligence develops in a girl according to her personal makeup and the reality she lives in. So we need to identify what is preventing her from forming relationships: is it because the available models don't meet her needs? Is it because she feels fear and hesitation? Does she have a bad memory from earlier attempts? Does she lack self-confidence? Or has she become so attached to the model of her cousin that it dominates her thinking? Try to identify the reason for this difficulty in forming other relationships. With the note that it isn't really important that she form relationships with those in her class. What's more important is that she handles herself and her interactions well, and that the fruits of her learning and her understanding of her reality become evident. How many a child has not had friends at school but has excelled and risen. These matters are not necessarily a condition for success in life, nor necessarily a sign that the self is well and successful. Sometimes the child is singular in his behaviour because he doesn't find someone to interact with him in the positive way that lights up his ambition. So gently, we try to place the little one in environments where she discovers more souls, and learns how to make relationships — without us pushing her into it, but rather with flow and ease. Look at what qualities her cousin has that make her cry at her absence. Let us put our finger on what she lacks. She may be reading courage in her cousin's features and feels safety. Let us build safety in her own heart, by raising her self-confidence and explaining things to her. This comes with time and an integrated tarbawi process at home that builds the child's confidence in her abilities and her recognition of her own value. Look at how you treat her, and how you make her feel her importance as a slave of Allah, the Exalted. May Allah grant you success and delight your eyes with her.

My son will turn seven this coming March, in shaa Allah. Unfortunately he doesn't control his urine while sleeping, and I don't know what to do. Alhamdulillah his personality is strong and he has no psychological problems except that he is more fearful than usual. His father and I have tried to encourage him but he can't (he's afraid to go alone while everyone is asleep, then wakes up after the incident sad). Is this a health problem? Please guide me, may Allah bless you.

May Allah preserve you. Don't worry — this happens often. There is a percentage of children who are late in stopping bed-wetting at night, including those who reach age fourteen but then regularize after that. The cause is usually psychological or due to the circumstances they're going through. I advise you first to stop him from drinking fluids from Maghrib onward, to make sure he relieves himself just before sleep, or to wake him at night yourself, or help him by setting an alarm that wakes him so he learns self-reliance. Continue this. If it doesn't improve, use Desmopressin medication with him — it is a safe medication, by Allah's leave. The pharmacy can explain to you how to use it. May Allah delight your eyes with him.

I have a consultation that every time I bring it up someone thinks I'm exaggerating. My son is four years old. He has severe fear of people and is very shy. He cannot express himself or ask for what he wants from me. He doesn't speak on the phone with his father. He is shy to respond, and if I ask him how he is, he doesn't answer — he answers only rarely after we tell him to say "alhamdulillah." This problem pains me. Masha Allah, he is good and listens. He loves order and the Qur'an and has beautiful qualities. But this one trait hurts my heart. I fear he will be affected negatively by people, especially since he is affected if anyone shouts in his face and gets very frightened. I enrolled him in an online Qur'an memorization group with a teacher and children, and he records his voice reading — but with severe shyness and quickly, after I encourage him.

Some children are shy at this age and don't express what they want. The treatment for that is measured and gradual. Teach him to ask for what he needs and to express what's on his mind when he needs to. As for shyness, gradually involve him in activities with peers or with various families, daily. Encourage him and reinforce that in him through reading stories. Praise him and strengthen his resolve. When he tries and is discouraged, tell him that this happens but he must continue and not be shy, and that he has to insist on progress and on trying. You can have him blow up a balloon and encourage him to pop it, and show him that it only frightened him a little, but nothing different happened to him. You can tell him stories of the courage of the Prophet ﷺ and the Companions and their stances when they were young. With repetition, his state will improve, by Allah's leave. Seek help from Allah and rely on Him.

My daughter is four and a half. I'm trying to raise her and bring her close to the religion, but I feel that my approach with her is making her averse, despite many attempts. I'm having her memorize Qur'an, and she memorizes and then gets bored. The same with the letters, even though she's intelligent and reads Qur'an well. I want to teach my children but I feel I'm failing and I blame myself, and sometimes I'm harsh with them.

Regarding play, look at the content of our preparatory level curriculum and try to benefit from it. You'll find materials that help you. Make out a schedule, and let each subject have its time, so she feels there is a system. At teaching time, make sure the place is set up for learning so she isn't distracted by a phone or screen. Don't worry — she is still a child who loves to play and needs encouragement and training in patience during learning sessions. Begin with her in short stretches of teaching and instruction, then a chance for play and fun. Schedule learning times when your daughter is energetic. The most important thing is that you not be tired or tied up with tasks that make you feel weighed down with her. Remember: "A little done consistently is better than much done sporadically." Mind your daughter's needs of love and affection, and avoid screaming, hitting, or harsh treatment.

My son is two and a half, and his jealousy of his infant sister sometimes reaches the point of hitting her. What's the solution?

Jealousy is a natural feeling among brothers and sisters. One form of jealousy in a child (with his sibling still in the mother's womb) appears through his reactions: more attachment to the mother, or withdrawal from her, or from any party he sees connected to the child and showing them interest, or with whom he had a bond and now feels threatened. It's possible to lessen and absorb some manifestations of jealousy, though it isn't natural to suppress it completely. Among the steps that begin during pregnancy: - Talk with the child about the positives of the brother or sister and how he can enjoy this side. - Involve the older one in buying needs for the younger (within reason), and assign him tasks to help the mother carry the responsibility of the newborn (attention within reasonable limits, with care for the characteristics of the newborn and the nature of the older brother — gentleness in handling, how to carry, gradually directing him to responsibility, not all tasks at once). - At birth (depending on the older one's age and awareness), bring him an attractive gift so it eases him and he is occupied with the pleasure of the gift. - Don't let the mother show complaints about the newborn, even during pregnancy. - During the times you spend with the newborn (his provision, and a right upon you) — embracing or playing — initiate by drawing the older one's attention to memories you had with him. If there are videos or photos, they greatly soothe and bring joy to the older one's heart. - From time to time, affirm love. - Give him his own time from time to time, depending on circumstances that sometimes take you away from the older one by being occupied with the younger, or to make up for any neglect or mistakes the parents may make from unintentional comparisons, obvious favoritism, and other situations that stir up jealousy. - It's very useful to have a routine with the older one that allows the mother to remember her duties to him — story-time, play-time, weekend make-up time or some during the day, and a little "spoiling" is not a problem. Keep in mind some warnings: - Don't compare; and if you err, try to correct it. Try to be just, and don't let your preference for one personality type affect your treatment (there is injustice in that). - Sometimes parents have criteria by which they like to distinguish their children. Be careful that those criteria are not at the expense of justice and fairness in treatment. - Don't forget, as much as you can: a hug, a pat, closeness, a kiss. Even with the busyness — one strong hug shows him it makes up for what was missed. - It's lovely, when the older one is aware, to have open dialogues, with a safe limit, listening more than arguing (don't bring counter-arguments unless what the older one feels needs clarification), and detailed clarification, giving the older brother a chance to share solutions or give his opinion. - There are moments (of revenge or jealousy) like hitting or sudden movements (unimaginable) from the older one. The mother should try, as much as possible, to keep the little one safe by monitoring one or the other to some extent, and also by embracing the older (whether from the mother, father, or sibling). - Try to ease the younger one without showing temper or harmful reactions that increase the older one's resentment with jealousy, or withdrawal and a tired psyche. - Among ways of embracing: a hug, or shifting his pursuit to another pursuit the mother knows he prefers, or explaining to the older one and appealing to him about the extent of pain in his action. - Overlooking behaviours that may increase in this period and are unacceptable, like spitting or quarreling or words that lessen the parents' standing — while paying attention to firmly holding him to other situations to limit these manifestations if they continue, according to the older one's age. - Among positive steps: involving him with his peers in various activities, and making times to accomplish tasks that strengthen his skills and refine his interests. - Perhaps the best thing we treat jealousy with is sharing the feeling of love, and the responsibility of the older brother whom the mother trusts and the father relies upon to do his duties. Over time, these feelings will grow with him and the two will become the best of friends. " On the website.

My son is about six months old. I took him in and he has the thumb-sucking habit, and I tried with him in several ways to leave it but Allah hasn't made it easy yet. Any advice? I know he's still small but I'm afraid the habit will continue with him as he grows and affect his teeth or his personality.

May Allah preserve you and bless you. Many children stop sucking their thumb on their own — usually when they reach six or seven months, or between two and four years. Without intervention from the parents. But a child who has stopped sucking his thumb may return to it during times of stress. At your little one's age, thumb-sucking usually occurs when he feels tired, uncomfortable, bored, or trying to sleep. So first try to determine the cause of this behaviour. Meet his emotional needs by holding him, paying attention to him, treating him gently, talking with him, addressing him with eye contact, soothing him, and playing with him. The more the child feels safe, the less he needs to seek comfort in thumb-sucking. I advise you to begin with him a tarbawi program that occupies his thinking, like the cards in our two-year-old curriculum. They can capture his attention. When you see him doing it constantly without stopping, speak to him — he understands you. Tell him not to do it, while gently pulling his hand away and speaking to him with kindness, and putting something for him to play with in his hand to occupy him, or a fruit or food he can eat that occupies him. Do this gently and softly, instilling safety in him. May Allah grant you success in raising him and delight your eyes with him as an imam of the God-fearing.

My daughter is one year and eight months. She puts her hand in her mouth and another on her hair whenever she's hungry or thirsty or wants to sleep or feels lonely (when I'm busy from her). She's had it for a while. I knew that the thumb-sucking habit is common when young and will end after a period. But the hair problem is that she started pulling it (winding it around her fingers) and it began falling in that spot! At first, several months ago, I tried to occupy her, hold her hand, and ignore it many times. But now I've started getting angry and focusing on the matter since it's started falling out, and she has started understanding my words when I tell her to lower her hand. So sometimes I don't say anything and just lower her hand. Sometimes I say to her: what did Mama tell you? Take it off your hair. But sometimes I get angry and pull her hand down forcefully. Sometimes I say: by Allah, if you don't move your hand I'll hit you. And then in fact if she doesn't move her hand I hit her on the hand. During sleep I try to lie beside her and hold her hand until she sleeps. How should I act, may Allah bless you?

May Allah preserve you and bless you. First, sister, tie up the girl's hair — bind it with a hair-tie and don't leave it hanging if possible. Or make braids for her so it's hard for her to undo. Make her a hairstyle that doesn't make it easy for her to fiddle with her hair. This little one will be rid of this habit by shifting her interest to something else. Don't focus on the movement too much, so it doesn't turn into a behaviour she does out of stubbornness, or that — from your over-focus on it — she becomes attached to. I advise you to download the Mirath curriculum for two-year-olds and begin with her an educational program and entertaining tarbawi activities. Don't focus on her hands in her hair. Rather, occupy her hands with a toy and entertainment she learns from. Your daughter is still too young for hitting, so begin by occupying her mind and her hands with what benefits her, to direct her thinking elsewhere. A second point: if there is an angry atmosphere or violent reactions at home, the child may resort to such behaviours. So make sure the atmosphere is calm in tarbiyah and that you deal with the children with tenderness and patience. At this stage your home won't be exactly as you want it, nor will all your things stay in their place. You'll have to hide some things and put others not in their usual spots. You'll face the problem of mess — with toys, the children's movement, and the consequences of their curiosity. But this is part of their tarbiyah to come to know their world, and it requires forbearance, patience, and being present in their world, guiding them to what benefits them. Begin with her the tarbawi cards, and occupy her with learning and entertaining games until she crosses this stage. Another piece of advice: agree with her that you'll brush her hair and she'll brush yours, and that you won't spoil the style — so you'll both be beautiful and tidy. Play with her the game of styling hair and caring for it. If possible, give her a small box or hair-styling tools and ribbons. This way you build in her care for her hair. Gradually she'll learn. May Allah preserve you all and bring you joy.

My child is three years old and clings strongly to the things that belong to him — even his food. He won't eat if anyone has touched his plate or eaten from it, even me, his father, or his little sister. He doesn't like anyone playing with his toys at all. The criticism from those around me — their saying he's stingy — bothers me greatly, although I am trying to teach him generosity from now on without violating his rights. He also has another trait: a strong love of cleanliness and order. He doesn't like to see anything out of place. If a drop of water falls on his clothes, he cries until I change them. His little sister scatters things and he tidies up after her. I feel he's exaggerating — he's a child who should touch things to clean them, not have them come to him ready-cleaned. I try as much as possible to integrate him with other children, and I'm even glad if his clothes get dirty — sometimes I do it on purpose. He is sweet, memorizes verses and adhkar, loves performing prayer, and is a leader despite his young age. He understands things deeply, and I am very proud of him. But the painful matter is the comments of those close to him, like family. What is your advice for me?

May Allah preserve you and bless you. First, put completely out of your mind what people say and how they view your tarbiyah or your child. Embrace the particularity of your little one's character as long as what he shows distinguishes him. Rather, let his personality take its natural course without crushing his nature. Only refine it through Islam and its morals. As for generosity, it's too early to be certain about that. You can look at the sharing section in the Toddler Guide on our channel; we covered this piece in some detail. I see the possibility of teaching him sharing without forcing him to give up what he has — by introducing him to group-play environments, which build in him indirectly an acceptance of sharing with others. Especially if he finds enjoyment in those games, he'll prefer to spend his time with others. These matters come with forbearance and patience. But don't try to make your son a copy of his brother or someone else. Let your son be distinct in his characteristics — only refine them with Islam. The demand for cleanliness isn't an exaggeration. There are real personalities who love order and cleanliness, and they're grown adults — because it's something they're comfortable with, and their resolve thrives with it. Let us leave his personality the space that allows him to display the characteristics that distinguish him. In the end, how many fathers and mothers wish their little one were like yours, and may even complain of what you want to be in your little one. So care for respecting the stages of his teaching, and don't leave him to the teaching of chance ever. Care for the quality of teaching: see your son bear the fruit of your tarbawi effort, and don't worry about the rest of the details. Allah will bless you in your endeavor. We are learning in this life even at an older age, and your son has only spent three years. Life is, by Allah's leave, a journey of learning, taking from those around, and giving as well, in a process of interaction every person goes through. I note that his personality has not yet been completed — it is shaped over the first six years of his life. So care for now about role-model stories and the building of creed and character. With du'a, and glad tidings of much good, may Allah delight your eyes with your offspring and delight their eyes with you.

I have a five-year-old child. When he sees pictures of us as a family, he cries and screams that he is happy and is deeply moved by these pictures. He is sensitive and is intensely affected by what is beautiful or sad. He is the oldest brother and has a nail-biting habit. What is the appropriate way to handle him?

First, I advise you to keep your little one away from screens (any films or series or emotional scenes at home). He likely picked up this reaction from another person or scene. So try to correct his response. It's not a flaw in him to be affected — it may be a strong quality in him for building his resolve, but it must be refined. That is: talk with him. Five years of age — he is reasonable and understands. Remind him that we must be moderate in our feelings, neither overjoyed nor overly sad, and teach him natural responding. Model it for him by your own behaviour. Nail-biting is a common bad habit, and it may stick with him into adulthood if not addressed correctly. It is a way for him to express his feelings — sadness, anger, or temper. I advise you to trim and cut his nails regularly. This bores him because he finds nothing to bite. You must speak with the child calmly and create an atmosphere of safety in your embrace. Tell him this habit has health harms. When you see him do it, don't raise your voice or scream or show anger. Rather respond in a way that says you're here to alert him not to do this bad behaviour. Occupy him from biting his nails with what holds his passion and attention. Play with your son educational, entertaining games. Whenever you see him succeed in overcoming this bad habit, thank him and praise him. Keep your little one away from any tense, anxious atmospheres. May Allah preserve him and delight your eyes with him as an imam of the God-fearing.

I have a boy of six years old. I discovered that he searches for ugly things on the phone. What do I do?

May Allah ennoble you and grant well-being to us and to him. A child of six — we look at the parents' arrangement and their supervision of their son, and at the parents' care for gradually strengthening his self-monitoring. We also look at the matter of his company, and at the matter of his having a device in his hands and what he uses it for. Does he have activities or sports to fill his free time? And what is the parents' style of dealing with the son: firm and tender, harsh and severe, or lenient and soft?

I have a seven-year-old daughter who saw an inappropriate clip, and it drew her attention to this topic. How do I handle her, and should I speak with her about the matter?

May Allah preserve you. At seven she can distinguish, and unfortunately she may not forget these scenes. So first, be careful about the cleanliness of your screens, and keep this filth away from your little ones' eyes. There are very bad repercussions of this over time, especially if they become curious to search for it and become used to it. This is among the most important causes of psychological disorders, fragility, and addiction. May Allah preserve the children of the Muslims from this illness. Then, build an awareness suited to her mind. Talk about the phenomenon of reproduction in humans and animals, and explain to her the wisdom behind creating the male and the female, then the wisdom of making marriage what distinguishes the human from the animal. Tell her the truth that the human has reason that must govern him so he protects himself, not being dragged like an animal after his desires. And so on — gently and calmly. Make clear to her that it is not permissible to watch these scenes, and that those who do are the disbelievers who disobey Allah, the Exalted. May Allah grant you success in raising and teaching her well, and delight your eyes with her as a believing, righteous girl. #consultations #jeel_al_khilafah #screens #limits_between_the_sexes I also see that the mother should focus on building a good relationship with her daughter first, so the barriers between them break, and she opens up to her about what's inside her without embarrassment. Or at least enable her to speak freely and see in her mother an ear that listens, even if she doesn't speak at first. The mother mentioned that her daughter is alert to the matter and asks many questions. Since the girl is at this age, I see that several matters are necessary: - Faith-based tarbiyah first: magnifying Allah, loving the halal and rejecting the haram regardless of this matter from the start — in all affairs — so the child sanctifies the Shari'ah and complies with it when any ruling is presented to him. This must be repeated in every matter. - Building the habit of being open with the mother about everything, and rewarding her for that: with an outing, a toy, money, whatever she leans toward. What matters is that the relationship and trust between the mother and her daughter are built. This is done by not divulging anything that passes between you, however small it seems to you, in front of people or in front of family. Maintain this trust and don't break it, so the girl gets used to being open with you and feeling safe toward you. - Self-awareness regardless of this story: distinguishing between good touch and bad touch. Who can touch me and where? Get them used to closing the bathroom door behind them. Get them used to covering up when changing clothes. The area between the navel and the knee is a red line — no one should touch it. We should not look at anyone, nor anyone look at us. We can mention in this context the hadith of the one who didn't shield himself from his urine, who was punished in his grave. Imagine — he didn't shield himself from his urine and was punished in his grave, so how about one who…? And how about one who…? - Try to apply this practically (not changing a small child in front of everyone, for example, requiring her to wear covering clothing and encouraging her to do so). - Clarify the limits of dealing with the opposite sex, whether young or old (clarifying the matter from a shar'i angle, and from an emotional angle: instilling caution). - Stories about chastity, so the girl is like a jewel that must be covered. Stories about the harm of illicit relations between the sexes, harassment, where such matters end, the tragedy a person in this situation lives. With repetition, another view of the matter takes shape in her mind. The mother can speak in stories from her imagination, about a girl who one time did such-and-such, like before-sleep stories. - Take up the tafsir of Surat an-Nur, for example, in a simplified way (urging hijab, clarifying the meaning of zina and its punishment). The girl will ask: what is the meaning of zina? And we can speak from this gate about illicit relations between the sexes and what the Shari'ah has prescribed about that, clarifying the punishment of stoning. The child at this age understands. - We can bring a scientific encyclopedia that explains the difference between the physical formation of the girl and the boy, distinguishing between them, and speak about the relationship and marriage and the controls of all that — its conditions and limits. But this is according to the girl's understanding and capacity. Constant du'a for them is essential — it is the best means that protects them, by Allah's leave. And Allah is the granter of success.

My daughter is four years old. I was careful with everything that benefits her as much as I could, including completely banning screens. Until she started sitting with relatives and watching cartoons and such with the other children. So I allotted her about half an hour or less daily to watch somewhat purposeful things. But I notice that while she's watching she's completely absorbed, doesn't feel anything around her, doesn't hear me when I speak to her. If she's eating she stops eating — just focusing with a strange focus. I am very anxious about this. What does this mean?

This state of absorption with the scenes is natural and happens. But my advice to you is: don't leave your daughter to the screens. Even occupying her with a toy would be more useful for her than non-tarbawi watching just for entertainment. That is, if you wanted to let her watch, let it be, for example, a documentary about nature and animals — no problem, she learns from it. But cartoons that have nothing in them but colors and dialogues with no aim other than creating an imagination for the child that is not well-considered — I don't advise these. You can get her used to watching with you, so you talk with her about what you're watching, comment, enrich her knowledge, and direct her to what's good for her. But leaving the child at the screens is not something I advise. I advise you to try the play ideas in the skill-building references in the preparatory level curriculum on our channel. May Allah grant you success and delight your eyes with her.

I have two daughters, the first three years old and the second one year and ten months. I used to put the TV on for them half an hour to two hours at most, spread across the day. But I noticed that my three-year-old daughter, during that half hour, is completely engrossed and very focused, not moving — while the other runs and plays and comes and goes. So I feared the TV was affecting her abilities and skills. I gradually got rid of the TV: I started with every two days, then once a week, and now I've stopped completely, alhamdulillah. But sometimes I wonder: was what I did right? Even though I've become convinced the TV deprives them of moments of childhood, creativity, and play that don't repeat, and isn't something obligatory. My question: can completely banning the TV be negative for them, or is there no problem? I should mention that during the day they play and do many things, and I read them some books. I feel they learn from reality more than from the TV.

If I were to give advice to every family: get rid of the TV from your homes if you want to close a door to a great evil in the family. You did well. Take care of their tarbiyah according to the curricula we've placed on our channel, magnify Allah in their hearts, and create for them passion and goals in their lives — for they are the building blocks of the Ummah and the generation of victory. May Allah grant you success and watch over you.

I am a mother keen on raising my children on the Qur'an and the Sunnah. They are different ages, but the youngest of them sits at the TV a lot, doesn't like studying, and gets bothered quickly when I talk to him. He is seven and I'm very afraid for him. I'm scattered — any advice?

First, seek help from Allah and from du'a. Know that it is your duty as a mother to organize the times your child spends. The first thing you should pursue is providing a wholesome environment — a center or club with good for your son, or a sport. Involve him in activities that reduce his sitting at home and increase his interaction with people more. If you have a teacher for him or a Qur'an tutor from people of righteousness, attach him to them. If there is someone to help you in tarbiyah (a husband, an older brother, or another), seek their help and lay down rules with gentleness and good treatment. It is natural that one who has become used to laziness and not responding to his mother is bothered. So begin with him. If he stays in this state, he will be a burden upon you. Involve him in responsibility gradually for fulfilling your needs and the needs of the home. It's better that this be with his father or another of the men of the house whose help can be sought, so he learns from them to bear responsibility.

I'm looking for a suitable book in simple language that helps a girl understand the stage of puberty before entering it — girls aged nine to eleven. What books do you recommend the girl read?

Well, dear one — what do you think if you have the conversation with her yourself? "The conversation between the mother and her daughter." Have it throughout the day at various times: while folding clothes, while cooking. Let her stand with you in the kitchen and the two of you speak in an easy, endearing language. It will strengthen the bonds between you and her, and it will make you like a friend she tells everything to, even in matters of sensitivity. You'll gain her affection and she'll gain yours. Sometimes alert her to forbidden matters in the midst of girls — not in the way of "don't do this," but rather tell these stories with reproach and disapproval in passing. The girl grows up with these good inputs from you within her. She will have a tarbawi balance from your discussions and comments — you plant in her good seeds. Believe me, this method is among the best in tarbiyah. Reflect on the story of Luqman al-Hakim and his son — it was such a fatherly sitting. A father admonishing his son, and it was effective. It is reported in Tafsir Muqatil that Luqman's wife and his son were disbelievers, and he kept admonishing them with the beautiful admonition and wisdom until they accepted Islam. This is the effect of the good word and the merciful, nurturing dialogue between parents and their children. It leads to psychological soundness and creedal protection. We even find that the boys or young men with psychological disturbances came from homes in which there was a flaw in the relationship with the parents. So be alert to this — though I'm not against her reading a book. But I find you more beneficial in effect, if you are sincere with Allah. This is your sowing — tend it well. May Allah delight your eyes with her.

What is your view on a girl wearing hijab at a young age — approximately between four and five years? My daughter loves the hijab a lot and I want to teach her covering and the hijab. I told her I would throw her a party when she wears it and she was very happy with this. But those around me see that I will deprive her of her childhood — even though she goes out and plays more than their children, and I treat her with more love and tenderness than they do with theirs. SubhanAllah, will a head covering affect childhood in any way? Will it prevent the child from playing and laughing? What is your view on this?

May Allah preserve you and bless you. I truly speak to you from experience. I see it as beautiful and it has its effect on souls. She will get used to covering early and will take more pride in her hijab. Then the puberty period won't tire you. So don't deprive her of this fitrah. Childhood is her happiness, not what people decide. And as long as her happiness lies in elevated aspiration, tend to her with the care of one who loves. This answer is based on it being out of love from the daughter. But it must be noted: trying to impose it on her at this age — I don't advise it. Rather I advise embracing her passion and meeting her pride in it, encouraging her. But if you see that she feels pressure and that the matter is heavy on her, don't do it. Let her wear modestly until she grows stronger and grasps the difference. I ask Allah to delight your eyes with her, make you happy with her, and make her among the righteous, blessed, and dignified.

I have twin girls, eight years old. I always tell them not to greet anyone outside the mahrams, and not to play with the male relatives, and I don't leave them space to be with them. Am I being too strict, or is what I do correct?

May Allah ennoble you for your care for them and your concern. To start, it's important that they also not interact with the males with anxiety and suspicion beyond what's needed. You must be natural in your guidance to them, and make them understand that interaction with mahrams is also subject to controls — like hugging and kissing and so on. Advise them without excess or deficiency. So please be balanced in your guidance. To help with this, give them from time to time the wisdom of what you do and what you command them with — the reasons for your protection — to the extent of their capacity and awareness, so it is easy for them to obey you and to commit to what you say with love and willingness.

My daughter is four and a half. Sometimes we get together with relatives and she plays with the little ones, and sometimes her cousin (her aunt's son) kisses her or hugs her — and he is five — fleetingly, or at the beginning of a meeting when we come. I do not like this at all. Should I alert her, or leave the matter spontaneous?

May Allah preserve you and bless you. The matter happens spontaneously, but it is better that the boy be alerted to his behaviour, because he has begun to grow and is entering the age of discernment. He must know that the boy is a little man and does not greet girls in this way. Build awareness in him about this gradually, not confrontationally. He enters the concept of separating in sleeping places. As for the little girl, she still does not grasp the reality fully — so even if you alert her she won't take it in. The boy is the one initiating, so prevention is better than cure. Try to keep her away from being alone or attached to him early, so this habit doesn't grow between them. Be with them at the moment of meeting to intervene gently and guide them. May Allah protect and bless them, and delight your eyes with them.