The question
I have a seven-year-old daughter who saw an inappropriate clip, and it drew her attention to this topic. How do I handle her, and should I speak with her about the matter?
Our answer
May Allah preserve you. At seven she can distinguish, and unfortunately she may not forget these scenes. So first, be careful about the cleanliness of your screens, and keep this filth away from your little ones' eyes. There are very bad repercussions of this over time, especially if they become curious to search for it and become used to it. This is among the most important causes of psychological disorders, fragility, and addiction. May Allah preserve the children of the Muslims from this illness.
Then, build an awareness suited to her mind. Talk about the phenomenon of reproduction in humans and animals, and explain to her the wisdom behind creating the male and the female, then the wisdom of making marriage what distinguishes the human from the animal. Tell her the truth that the human has reason that must govern him so he protects himself, not being dragged like an animal after his desires. And so on — gently and calmly. Make clear to her that it is not permissible to watch these scenes, and that those who do are the disbelievers who disobey Allah, the Exalted.
May Allah grant you success in raising and teaching her well, and delight your eyes with her as a believing, righteous girl.
#consultations #jeel_al_khilafah
#screens #limits_between_the_sexes
I also see that the mother should focus on building a good relationship with her daughter first, so the barriers between them break, and she opens up to her about what's inside her without embarrassment. Or at least enable her to speak freely and see in her mother an ear that listens, even if she doesn't speak at first.
The mother mentioned that her daughter is alert to the matter and asks many questions. Since the girl is at this age, I see that several matters are necessary:
- Faith-based tarbiyah first: magnifying Allah, loving the halal and rejecting the haram regardless of this matter from the start — in all affairs — so the child sanctifies the Shari'ah and complies with it when any ruling is presented to him. This must be repeated in every matter.
- Building the habit of being open with the mother about everything, and rewarding her for that: with an outing, a toy, money, whatever she leans toward. What matters is that the relationship and trust between the mother and her daughter are built. This is done by not divulging anything that passes between you, however small it seems to you, in front of people or in front of family. Maintain this trust and don't break it, so the girl gets used to being open with you and feeling safe toward you.
- Self-awareness regardless of this story: distinguishing between good touch and bad touch. Who can touch me and where? Get them used to closing the bathroom door behind them. Get them used to covering up when changing clothes. The area between the navel and the knee is a red line — no one should touch it. We should not look at anyone, nor anyone look at us. We can mention in this context the hadith of the one who didn't shield himself from his urine, who was punished in his grave. Imagine — he didn't shield himself from his urine and was punished in his grave, so how about one who…? And how about one who…?
- Try to apply this practically (not changing a small child in front of everyone, for example, requiring her to wear covering clothing and encouraging her to do so).
- Clarify the limits of dealing with the opposite sex, whether young or old (clarifying the matter from a shar'i angle, and from an emotional angle: instilling caution).
- Stories about chastity, so the girl is like a jewel that must be covered. Stories about the harm of illicit relations between the sexes, harassment, where such matters end, the tragedy a person in this situation lives. With repetition, another view of the matter takes shape in her mind. The mother can speak in stories from her imagination, about a girl who one time did such-and-such, like before-sleep stories.
- Take up the tafsir of Surat an-Nur, for example, in a simplified way (urging hijab, clarifying the meaning of zina and its punishment). The girl will ask: what is the meaning of zina? And we can speak from this gate about illicit relations between the sexes and what the Shari'ah has prescribed about that, clarifying the punishment of stoning. The child at this age understands.
- We can bring a scientific encyclopedia that explains the difference between the physical formation of the girl and the boy, distinguishing between them, and speak about the relationship and marriage and the controls of all that — its conditions and limits. But this is according to the girl's understanding and capacity.
Constant du'a for them is essential — it is the best means that protects them, by Allah's leave.
And Allah is the granter of success.
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