How do I address my anger and harshness with my daughter?

How do I address my anger and harshness with my daughter? . Emotions & Feelings . My daughter is nine and my son is four. Since she was about three I have been very angry with her and hit her often when she made mistakes (due to certain circumstances I went through — though that doesn't justify what I did, may Allah forgive me). This severe state continued until she reached nine. Now, about two years ago, Allah guided me and I became aware of the consequences of this kind of tarbiyah and I control myself a great deal, by Allah's grace, with mistakes still happening — but they've decreased, alhamdulillah. My problem is that my children have become very temperamental and my relationship with my daughter is very strained. How do I improve my relationship with my daughter alongside the pressures of life? . May Allah preserve you and bless you. The angry, fiery, quick-to-react child — all of this can be corrected and reformed to calm and forbearance, as the noble hadith of the Prophet ﷺ teaches. It begins with our dealing with him in that language: the language of calm, without reactivity or anger. He will automatically transform into a calm model. There is no need to scream at him when he errs. Let us speak to him in mature language and explain to him how to fix his mistake without being subjected to harsh treatment or hearing the voice of displeasure. I have seen models that transformed from the peak of anger and temper into calm, dignified, very beautiful personalities — all by patience with them and instilling the trait of forbearance calmly. So my advice to you: begin by speaking with them in every moment of anger or temper, that this harms them and doesn't benefit them, and that they must be calm to solve any problem they face. They will listen — be sure they will learn to discover the depths of themselves and control their feelings. Now, before the process becomes hard on you, and to help you in that, set out for them a beneficial program of useful play and entertainment that builds their abilities. Teach them cooking, girls' skills, and adornment. Make for them their own corner, and set them a beautiful time for friendly competition. It's lovely to hold a cooking contest between them, present them a simple recipe, and praise them and their dishes. Occupy them with beautiful competition in developing their skills and discharging their energies in positive work. The preparatory curriculum has a set of references for skill-building and recipes for cooking suited to their age. Try them and enjoy with them. Build with them the most beautiful childhood memories. These days will pass and the beautiful memory will push back the sad and bad ones, and only what benefits them will remain, by Allah's leave. As for you, seek help from Allah and from the Magnificent Qur'an. Make it your companion whenever you feel exhausted in this journey. It is the cure for your heart, with which you mend yourself. With du'a, patience, and reliance, things move along, gently and blessed. May Allah delight your eyes with them.