How do I judge between my children when they quarrel?

How do I judge between my children when they quarrel? . Children's Behaviour . I have three children: a boy of five, a girl of four, and a boy of one and a half. When the older ones quarrel, each of them asks me to take retribution from the other for him — and I don't know how to act then. The eldest of them is also shy and not bold, closer to girls' qualities — which led his father to take him for boxing exercises to gain courage. The girl is reactive and hits him a lot, and this led to the father being angry with him for allowing her to do so. Is this what should be done? . May Allah preserve you and bless you and your offspring. Your children at this age should embark on a study program that occupies them away from quarreling. So try to lay out a schedule to teach them what benefits them, and with your presence the clashing will lessen. The more you are able to occupy their thinking with the material you're teaching them, the more it will create maturity in them and help you manage situations. Quarreling between children is the most difficult thing a mother faces. It is something that recurs in tarbiyah and there's no escaping it, but we can control and lessen it — and that is by intimidation and encouragement. If a quarrel happens, don't always try to intervene to solve it. Tell them they are deprived of something they like as long as their means is quarreling. You estimate the deprivation that deters them from quarreling. If they handle things well, reward them. Try to investigate the cause of the ongoing quarreling: is it jealousy? A problem of shared items to be divided? Or is there a domineering one between them? Based on this problem, you can lessen the causes of friction. But I don't advise you to bow to their dictates or what they want from you. Be firm. Treat them at the moment of disagreement with firmness, without joking or showing weakness. Tell them you are not pleased with their bad behaviour. As for the boy, I don't advise boxing for you. I think you should switch him to another sport. Strength is in the heart, not in the hand. Strengthen your little one's heart with beneficial stories and by building his creedal and moral knowledge. From here the effect on his personality begins — by infusing him with the love of courage, generosity, trustworthiness, and truthfulness through role models and beneficial stories. You can benefit from our preparatory level curriculum and teach the two of them together. They'll be occupied with playing together and reviewing together. Lay out a daily schedule for that, and reward them if they handle it well. Tell them: whenever you handle things well I'll be proud of you and even happier with you. The matter of hitting — this is not right. To incite hitting for revenge harms him. The daughter is the one you must speak with and explain that her behaviour is wrong. Ask her if she would accept being hit the same way. Instead of making your son fierce, try to calm your daughter and make her less violent or aggressive toward her brother. This balance will restore your son's strength — not by inflaming feelings of revenge against his sister, which will only sharpen and may overcome him and leave him broken for a long time. Make the little one know the limits of interaction by experiencing what she does, so she realizes that what she does is harmful and bad — through explanation, drawing comparisons, and simple detail for her mind. Remember, your little ones are still in the stage of teaching, and personality is completed by age six, with the third advancing. If you manage tarbiyah well in this stage, your task in the coming stages will be easier. If all previous solutions become impossible, separate them from one another in sitting, play, and study, and observe matters in this way. May Allah grant you success, open the way for you, and delight your eyes with your offspring.