The question
My son is sixteen. He is very slow in his tasks (wudu, putting on a thobe, going to the restroom). He takes a long time and this disturbs me greatly. But if his friend is waiting or something else trivial, he speeds up unusually to catch up with them.
Our answer
May Allah preserve you. This is a trait that, if not handled wisely, will continue with him even into old age — unfortunately. So it is better to look for the keys to this soul's heart. Try sitting with him and holding a mature conversation. Treat him as a man, not a child — at this age he loves to feel attended to. When you open a discussion, don't immediately bring up what bothers you. No. Begin by opening the space for him to speak about his dreams, what he wishes for, telling him you would love to hear from him, so that we may care about what makes him happy and fulfills his passions. Every person has a key, every one has an ambition. We help him grow into it and guide him in how to engage with it. From here begins his own leadership over himself, so he sets himself right by himself.
Let us look for his passion and kindle it, to forge a man — without demolishing, wounding, or shaming. He surely carries good in him; let us help him bring it out.
May Allah grant you success in directing and guiding him, and support you with His help and with the believers.
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